


you can touch

by jhopefulyoongi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Crying, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frottage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Requited Love, Sexual Fantasy, Spanking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-05 01:25:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15159368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: Suddenly, like the answer to a question you were stuck on for twenty minutes during an exam and you only remembered later, Soonyoung realized what the problem was, why Junhui was acting like this, what he had done to mess up this badly.No matter what he said, no matter how many smiles and reassuring words Junhui gave to make him feel better, Junhui really had no idea what he meant to Soonyoung.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im finally doing what needs to be done and writing soonhui

“Jun-ah,” Soonyoung had said. “Like I said, I really do…feel the same for you. But you know this really isn’t a good time for us, right?”

Junhui swallowed down the pain and put on a smile because that’s what he seemed to always do best. “O-of course. Of course, I know that.”

Soonyoung was Soonyoung, he could see the hurt in Junhuis eyes, the fake smile, the way he curled in on himself and pretended like everything was fine when it just wasn’t.

“I just wasn’t thinking straight! I was being silly, that’s all! I mean I know you can’t- “

“Hey,” Soonyoung said gently, reaching out to caress one side of Junhui’s face even as it tilted downwards, Junhui’s gaze locked onto the frayed holes in his jeans, not wanting Soonyoung to see him get all teary eyed. “I _can,_ I do. The comeback is soon, and then we have the tour, and then the company is already planning another comeback for the fall. I want to be able to give you the time and energy you deserve. I can’t do that when we’re tired every night and going from place to place.”

Junhui nodded in understanding, swallowing down the lump in the back of his throat. Soonyoung did have a point. They were so busy, they barely had enough time to play a game on their phones or take a shower that was longer than fives minutes.

As kind as he was, and always had been. Soonyoung wouldn’t lie to him. He was genuine, honest. And even if it hurt Junhui, he would tell him if he didn’t feel the same, not wanting him to linger and pin and be in pain over something that couldn’t possibly ever happen.

“Yeah,” Junhui whispered, looking up at Soonyoung, who smiled gently back at him, gentle, not usually a word one might use for Kwon Soonyoung, but he was always so gentle with Junhui, so understanding and patient. Soonyoung wiped away a tear that was clinging to his bottom eyelash and leaned forward to give him the lightest of kisses against his lips.

“I love you, Junhui,” Soonyoung told him. “I really do. There will be a time for us, okay? I promise you that.”

“Okay,” Junhui agreed, and leaned forward a little for Soonyoung to kiss him again, just as light, just as caring, before they walked back to the dorm together as they always did when it was this late.

…

What is Junhui to you?

_Mine._

Except it hadn’t been asked so simply. The question had been more along the lines of, what are the other ’96 liners to you?

Soonyoung answered honestly because he always tried to be as honest as he could.

Junhui was his. His precious little thing, his darling kitten, his baby, his everything.

Soonyoung had always had a thing for Junhui, and Junhui had always had a thing for him. It was no real secret, every one of the members could have told you that there was something in between them. It had started not long after they had met one another. Junhui couldn’t speak to them much and showed his feelings through touch and action, and Soonyoung had a big hand in looking after him, was a big part of getting close to Junhui first and getting him to open up to the others, that’s how long that something had existed, for years now.

And that something had always gone unsaid, the two of them never mentioning it, never talking about it, and so neither did anyone else, figuring that they would handle it themselves when the time was right for them. But they always knew it was there, and they knew that the other one knew it was there as well. But there was an agreement that they wouldn’t talk about it until the time was right for the both of them, and for the group, as well.

Or, at least, Soonyoung had thought there was. Junhui, apparently, didn’t truly understand what Soonyoung thought they both had.

And that was okay, it really was. He would rather they talk about it and have Junhui understand what everything was, not wanting him to be confused, not wanting him to misunderstand something and get hurt.

Soonyoung _did_ want to be with Junhui. He didn’t know how long it had been since he knew that Junhui was truly just the person for him, beyond something as simple but completely not simple as feelings. But it had been there for a while, more than a year, he thought, or maybe more. Maybe it had always been that way, even.

Junhui was sweet, he was good, he was kind-hearted, thoughtful, considerate, innocent and so, so dear to him, Soonyoung wanted nothing more than to keep him, his feelings and his body, completely and utterly safe from everything. Even from himself, no, especially from himself. He never wanted to be the cause of Junhuis pain or suffering.

So, when Junhui had sat there, telling him he was in love with him, had been for a long time now, and nearly in tears as he tried to convince himself that Soonyoung was actually turning him down, his heart had broken. Junhui didn’t deserve that, he deserved only good things.

Like a good boyfriend who could treat him right and give him all the time in the world.

And Soonyoung just couldn’t be that right now. He couldn’t always be there for Junhui whenever he needed him, he couldn’t drop everything on his plate because Junhui suddenly wanted to go on a date, he couldn’t do a lot of things.

And he wanted to do those things.

He wanted to be able to do all of that for Junhui.

He just needed…time. He needed time to think of a way to make this work, and then he needed time to actually start planning all of that out, all before he would tell Junhui about it. He didn’t want to put his love through anything more, he was already waiting for Junhui so well, he was being so patient and understanding. When Soonyoung told him that he thought it was a good time to be together, he wanted to mean it, he wanted to give his all, or as much as he could, and he didn’t want Junhui to have to constantly deal with canceled dates and days without alone time, and everything else that came with somehow dating with the lifestyle that they had.

He would make it work, he would make Junhui happy, make the both of them happy.

…

It wasn’t like Junhui had been expecting.

He didn’t talk about it, he didn’t bring it up. And neither did Soonyoung, and since Soonyoung never said anything, he continued to not say anything, he figured that when Soonyoung had things figured out, he would let him know, and he thought that with him breathing down his neck, it would just make things worse.

He knew that they weren’t together, he understood when Soonyoung said now wasn’t the right time. But things were just…things were the same, as they always were. And while things had never been bad, and it was always easy for them to be close to one another, natural, he expected…well, he expected them to act a bit more like the other couples in the group did.

Soonyoung knew that he liked him, and he said he liked Junhui back!

After they had kissed that night, Junhui had assumed that it would be a normal thing. And now he felt ridiculous for thinking that way and didn’t know how to bring that up either. They didn’t have to be officially together to kiss, did they? Junhui didn’t think that they did, but still. Junhui wouldn’t have minded, Soonyoung was good at kissing, he liked it when he kissed him.

But perhaps that was just another thing Soonyoung didn’t think there was time for?

Junhui sighed and leaned back against the practice room wall, nursing his water bottle and watching as Soonyoung and Chan went through the routine one more time before taking their rest. Minghao came back from his restroom break and headed towards Junhui after pausing and observing him for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” Minghao asked him softly, eyeing the other two unit mates before he looked back at Junhui, who continued to nibble at his bottom lip.

“Nothing, Hao Hao~” Junhui sang, turning around and reaching out to pinch Minghao’s cheek, expecting the shove away and giggling madly, because that’s what he would have usually done, and Junhui really didn’t want anyone to suspect him. He just wanted to sit and think about things, and he knew he was already acting oddly.

He hadn’t been on his phone, he had just been sitting and dazing, which had made Minghao become concerned, because when Junhui did sit off to the side, he was always on his phone, playing some game or reading one of his novels. And if he wasn’t, he would have been running around the room, cutting Soonyoung and Chan off as they danced, laughing and shrieking all the way until one of them gave up (ninety percent of the time, it was Soonyoung) and decided to chase him until they both tired and finally took a proper break.

“Stop-no, seriously, what’s the matter?” Minghao asked, scooting across the floor closer to him. “You’ve been acting weird ever since you and Soonyoung stayed back the other night, are the two of you okay? Are you okay?”

“I’m f-“

“Don’t say you’re fine, Jun, you’re clearly not.” Minghao wandered even closer to him until Junhui was pressed up against the glass wall on one side. Minghao wrapped an arm around him, loose and meaning to be comforting, and Junhui found himself letting out a deep sigh and leaning into Minghao for comfort.

“You can’t get angry or whatever about it, okay, Hao?”

“Angry?” Minghao asked. “Why would I be angry? What did he do?”

“Nothing, nothing!” Junhui nearly yelped out, waving his hands frantically to stop Minghao from getting the wrong idea. He didn’t want anyone to be mad at Soonyoung! If anything, he just wanted a person that he could talk to all about this.

Now that he thought about it, maybe it actually would be better if he didn’t talk about it. He didn’t want anyone else to get involved, not even Minghao. This was between him and Soonyoung, and he wanted to keep it that way.

“It wasn’t anything, not really.” Junhui relented after a moment, not missing the sigh that left Minghao’s mouth. “Really, Hao, it's not a big deal. We didn’t fight or anything like that, if anything, I think we can understand each other a bit more now! We’re alright, alright? I think we just need to talk again, maybe.”

Minghao watched Junhui speak with a blank expression, watching Junhui wave his arms around as he spoke, his words coming out rushed and jumbled. If they had been said in Korean, he might not have understood them at all. Being so nervous made Junhui unconsciously revert back to speaking in Mandarin, which was also good because Junhui was talking loud enough that the other two had paused the music and were looking at them curiously.

“Everything okay?” Soonyoung asked, coming over. He was clearly looking to Junhui for an answer and was concerned about him since Junhui always made an effort to always speak in Korean, even when he was stressed or nervous or both.

“Of course,~” Junhui sang brightly, escaping from his prison between Minghao’s body and wall and happily climbing up to his feet, leaving Minghao alone, skipping past Soonyoung, and grabbing Chan by the arm to haul him off, saying how much he wanted to show him the new game he had just started playing.

…

“Hey,” Soonyoung said softly, coming up behind Junhui who stood at the sink. He had just finished cleaning his teeth and was in the middle of taking off of his makeup when Soonyoung closed the bathroom door with his foot and walked up behind him, leaning against the wall of their bathroom just a few inches behind Junhui. “Are we okay?”

“Of course we ar-“

“Jun. Junnie. Tell me the truth, alright? Did something I say or do make you upset?”

“No,” Junhui mumbled, pouting as he cleaned off of the rest of his face. “You didn’t do anything, Soonie. I’m sorry if I’m not in a good mood.”

“No, its not that, you don’t have to always be in a good mood. I mean I would like you to be, because I love it when you’re happy, but I know that’s not realistic.” Soonyoung pauses for a moment and then takes a step closer. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, baby?”

Baby.

_Baby._

**_Baby._ **

Junhui felt like his heart might just explode!

“Hug?” Junhui said shyly, half hiding behind his hair when the word left his mouth. Why did he have to go and say that? Sure, it was what he wanted, but Soonyoung probably thought he was so-

“Of course,” Soonyoung said, and then turned Junhui around gently, wrapping his arms around Junhuis waist and pulling him close. Junhui clutched onto him, his fingers showing no signs of letting go anytime soon when they wrapped into the soft material of Soonyoungs sleeping shirt. Junhui pressed his face into Soonyoungs shoulder and Soonyoung cooed, running a hand up and down his back, smiling when he felt Junhui relax against him.

They pulled back a moment later, and Junhui gave him a smile that was so close to his usual one that Soonyoung felt instant relief.

“Thank you,” Junhui said shyly.

“You don’t have to thank me, Junnie, you can hug me whenever you want.”

Junhui considered his words for a moment, nibbling on the inside of his cheek before he looked at Soonyoung from underneath his eyelashes and hanging bangs, his head lowered in an effort to not show his blush and happy smile.

Without saying a word, Junhui hugged Soonyoung again, clinging to him just as he had before. Soonyoung laughed softly and hugged him back, rocking them back and forth when Junhui showed no signs of letting go anytime soon, not that the leader minded that much or at all.

They stayed like that until Seungkwan came to the door, demanding what was taking so long and reminding them others needed to use the bathroom.

They separated, but Soonyoung made sure to give Junhui one more hug before they returned to bed for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo....im extra. and this is gonna end up being a 3 or 4 parter. but rn its just 3 chapters planned. bc this got a lot bigger than it had previously intended fdhfhsdfjdjf

By the time Thanks promotions had begun, Junhui had given up on Soonyoung.

He waited and waited, was ever so patient, all through the comeback and then through their world tour and then again during Clap promotions, but nothing ever changed between the two of them, nothing ever happened. There was never any reassurance, no promises, no words that would comfort him to assure him that he just had to wait a bit longer.

After the night in the bathroom where they had hugged, things went back to how they once were. It was as if Junhui had never told Soonyoung about his feelings, and it was like Soonyoung had never told him that he felt the same way towards him.

He felt bitter, angry, like Soonyoung had done wrong by him, but he never did or said anything, because even more than the anger, he felt sad and embarrassed, like a fool for waiting for so long, heartbroken that he had believed Soonyoung, only for the leader to let him down, for him to betray him and leave him stranded and waiting, convinced Soonyoung had done this to him just to spare Junhuis feelings. He had thought better of the dancer, thought that Soonyoung would never do such a thing, but he guessed that he had been wrong. 

Junhui had tried so hard not to feel those things, had tried to talk to Soonyoung once Clap promotions were over and the winter season began, but he was always brushed to the side. It was done gently, a hand on his lower back and murmur that they would talk later after they did just one more practice, after he did one more take with Jihoon, after they had their dinner, but it never happened.

So eventually, Junhui stopped trying to talk, stopped trying to make something be there between the two of them when there was nothing there to happen, it left a bitter taste in his mouth, a bitter heaviness in his heart, but he let things go back to they had once been.

Junhui let himself cling to Soonyoung’s shoulders, let himself play around with him and tease him, let the caution and unsureness that he had developed because he was always waiting for something to happen fly away from him.

Soonyoung acted the same, after a week or two of that, holding Junhui like he would over a year or two ago. Soonyoung had distanced himself from Junhui over those months, touching him less, times spent alone together made into a few minutes in passing, talking to him less, no longer sending him memes in the middle of the night and laughing at all the selfies Junhui sent him at three in the morning.

The thing he hated the most was,

He gave up on Soonyoung, but he never stopped having feelings for him. If anything, his heart had only grown fonder of Soonyoung, wanted him even more than ever, and Junhui couldn’t even think about getting rid of those feelings, the idea hurting him far too much.

Soonyoung seemed perfectly fine, perfect as he always was beside the stress. But that was no different from usual, Soonyoung was always under some level of stress, having to work on putting together so many performances and thinking of the choreography for them. He had the other three of the performance unit, of course, but Soonyoung seemed to add so much extra weight to his shoulders just by his own thoughts. He worked so hard, it was something Junhui had always admired about him.

Promotions started, went on, and ended painfully for Junhui. It wasn’t all bad, as he was able to convey his heartbreak into a sad and mournful voice for their performances, so at least there was some good that had come from it.

Junhui felt like his own puppet. He would have to gently coax himself into doing things. Leaving his bed, smiling in front of people, taking a shower and taking care of himself, not eating everything in sight to comfort himself, though he was a bit of a failure on that last one.

Practice was somewhat easier for him. He could forget himself, the numbness that he felt when he was dancing. They still have regular practices during the week to make sure they did not forget too much, and it was later in the day now, close to when they would call it a day and go about doing other things.

He was leaving the practice room for some more water when he walked past a group that included all three of the leaders, Wonwoo, and Jeonghan, and wasn’t even thinking about how Soonyoung was standing in the middle of the group, his throat feeling so parched, when he heard the comment,

“I’m telling you, I don’t have feelings for anyone at all! I’ve told you a million times I’m way too busy” Soonyoung waved his hand and chuckled and lifted his water bottle to his lips.

“When was the last time?” Jeonghan asked him. “I can’t even remember the last person before Cheolie and Shua.”

Soonyoung took a sip and with a broad, amused grin said, “It’s been years, I can’t remember eith-What the f- Junnie?!”

Junhui did not know where it all came from. He didn’t even know he was doing it until he saw his hands pressing against Soonyoungs chest, making him fly back a few feet and drop his bottle, water covering the floor of the practice room as he was pushed.

The words were falling out of his mouth before he could even think about it. “You liar!” Junhui accused, tears welling up in his eyes, filled with fury and a deep, aching hurt. “You lying bastard! I knew it! I can’t believe I ever thought you were honorable enough. Y-you liar!” Every word empathized with a push or a hit to Soonyoung’s chest, Junhui’s hands balled up into little fists, forceful but honestly not doing much harm as his hands were shaking too much to be steady enough on impact.

“Junnie-“

“Liar!” Junhui shouted one last time as Soonyoung tried to grab his hands.

Junhui pulled his hands out of his grasp and turned on his heel. He stormed out of the room, not listening to anyone who was trying to call him back. And especially not Soonyoung’s! He had expected the leader to go into shock and try to deny everything, but he hadn’t. He just stared at Junhui and tried to grab at his hands, telling him to calm down as Junhui shouted and swatted at him, cool and calm even as Junhui wrecked himself with tears.

Junhui threw open the door to the staircase and went running up it, meaning to go to the ground floor or maybe go to the manager's office to hide out in for the rest of the day so that he would not have to face the other members. Halfway up to the second floor though, he tripped on the staircase right before the landing and went tumbling down, and when he landed on hands and knees, he did not have the strength in his trembling body to drag himself back up onto his feet.

He dragged himself up onto the landing and sat down, his head falling into his knees and arms wrapping around the top of his head. He did not care that he was crying out in the open, and that anyone could just walk into the staircase and find him in a few steps and could likely hear him crying as soon as they opened the door. He didn’t care he didn’t care he didn’t care about any of it right now. He was such an idiot! He had put Soonyoung on a pedestal and the man had looked down at him from it and kicked him right in the chest.

The creaking of the basement floor door opening echoed up in his ears, but Junhui still did not move a muscle. His body was too weak at the moment, and even if he pulled himself up his heavy limbs wouldn’t last more than a step or two, he felt frozen into place, his whole body weighted down by his own grief, his own heartbreak, and just stayed sitting there, rocking back and forth on the staircase, hugging himself, rubbing at his own arms to try to soothe himself.

He felt someone standing at the bottom of the stairs, heard footsteps coming up towards him, light and quick, and felt someone sit down next to him on the stairs, a warm hand rubbing up his back. He knew from the touch alone that it wasn’t Soonyoung, no matter how much the part of his heart that he now hated wanted it to be him, and he leaned into the person, not caring who it was.

“It’s alright,” Wonwoo’s voice said, stroking the top of his head, brushing down his hair into place. “It's alright.”

Junhui sobbed softly and ended up with his head buried into Wonwoo’s lap, face pressed against his thigh, body curled around his legs, hands clinging to his own throat as it was pulled apart by his own breaking and shattering voice as he sobbed out all of his pain. Wonwoo stroked his hair, and not another word was said until Junhui worked out what he could.

No one else came looking for him.

…

Unfortunately for half of the group, Soonyoung and Junhui shared the same dorm. It was made slightly better by the fact they did not share a room, but one could not leave their own room as they all feared they would be a witness to the two of them meeting outside of their rooms.

But truly, no one had to worry about that. Junhui was not going to leave his room unless he had to go the company or a schedule, and since they were currently in-between comebacks now, they did not have to worry too much about that. Minghao and he had an upcoming schedule in China, but since it would only be the two of them, that would give them all some time to cool down a bit. Though it was still two weeks again, therefore, until then, everyone in the Soonyoung and Junhui dorm was walking on eggshells.

Wonwoo did end up bringing Junhui to the manager’s office and he had stayed in there for the rest of the day, working on something else that didn’t evolve him being around the other members, especially Soonyoung, until he calmed down.

Junhui hadn’t been back since, though he was always prepared to go. It was a time when others were doing their own schedules, and they were all simultaneously trying to rest and think of things for the next comeback. Jihoon had told him they were going to go for a summer inspiration.

Junhui was not feeling particularly sunny at the moment. Everything that he came up with, little notes on his phone or scrawled into a notebook for Jihoon to look at and see if he would like to use, were all far too dark and sad for what was planned.

No one was really talking to him. He knew that it wasn’t that they had anything against him or where trying to make him feel bad. They just didn’t know what to say. Jeonghan had paced the hall back and forth and then stood in the doorway of his bedroom in silence only to give up and go back to his room at least three times already. Chan had left a packet of jellies on his pillow when he had quickly gone to the bathroom the other night, and Seungkwan had left him a few tangerines during the night that he found laying on his stomach in the morning.

Many had taken spending their time outside of the dorm to avoid the dreary atmosphere, and Junhui often found himself all alone, in an empty dorm, during the day. Nothing but his thoughts to keep him company, and oh did they wander, especially when he did not want them to. He had just finished having a good cry when his sad thoughts took a sudden turn.

In his very poor and uncreative daydream, he would roll over in his bunk and Soonyoung would be standing there in the middle of the room. He would have his hair swept back in that way that always made Junhui swoon, and he would also be wearing- no! He would be shirtless! Junhui would then put up a fuss and tell him to go away, being a big brat about it all. But Soonyoung would refuse and crawl up into the bed with him. Then he would pin Junhui down by the wrists and kiss him passionately, telling Junhui that he had been a fool, begging for his forgiveness and that he loved him ever so much and always had! And then Soonyoung would turn him on his stomach and make love to him for hours and hours-

See? Very unimaginative.

But it did its job. Junhui whimpered when his front brushed against the pillow he had been hugging for the last few hours, soaked with his tears. Just like in his horrible daydream, Junhui rolled onto his stomach. He did not try to deny himself or fight himself, he just wanted the comfort of his own imagination. He slipped off his boxers and took the lube out from where it was between the bunk and frame. He was still loose from the previous day when he had had another sad getting off session. If he was being honest, they were becoming quite common. They happened nearly every day, sometimes and very often multiple times in the same day.

It strained his arm a bit, but it worked. He slowly opened himself up with two fingers, making sure to not go too deep, because this was supposed to be Soonyoung and his fingers were not as long as Junhui’s. But they were a bit wider, so he slipped in a second finger and rocked his hips back against them.

He let his eyes close shut, let his head fall into the pillow, trying to pretend that he didn’t have his arm curled behind him. He was not patient, he was not teasing, he dragged his fingers in and out of himself at a quick and steady pace, letting himself roll his hips down against the mattress, whining when it isn’t enough. He grabbed the pillow he had been crying into and scrammed it underneath his hips, moaning in delight at the friction before he laid back down properly, his other hand now running over his own hip, caressing his own thigh.

Soonyoung was so passionate, he would fuck Junhui just as hard and fast as this, he would hold onto his hips tight, and Junhui squeezed his own hip to give himself the sensation. Soonyoung would see him humping the pillow underneath him, so desperate, and he would scold Junhui, maybe spank him? And-did he really slap his own ass while fingering himself? Who does that?! But it felt good and he wasn’t judging himself today so he did it a few more times, making himself stop humping the pillow because its what dream Soonyoung would have told him to do.

You're such a good boy, Soonyoung would purr, running a hand through his hair and pulling his head back gently. Junhuis hand wandered up and he pulled at his own brown strands. Yes, Junhui would whimper back. Only for you, I am, Junhui would insist.

“I’m a good boy,” Junhui slurred out as he neared his orgasm. He kept repeating it, over and over again, in his head and out loud. “I’m a good boy, Soonyoung, all for you, I’m yours…” Junhui came with Soonyoungs name on his lips and a promise that he was all his following right after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jun: im a good boy  
> me, through all of my tears: yES YOU ARE BABY THE BEST BOY THERE EVER WAS
> 
> how did i...make myself cry via a masturbation scene....yall bYE IM DONE WITH MY OWN SELF

**Author's Note:**

> twt: lemonjunnie  
> tumblr: junhuui


End file.
